Combat!
A heroic tale of battle has been passed down from ancient times in Japan.
Noun: A battle; A fight Verb: To fight against; To confront
The protagonist is a female crab.
When she was walking with a rice ball,
a cunning monkey offered to trade the persimmon seed that he had for the rice ball.
Huh?
The value were unequal! It was an unfair trade!
A monkey and crab fight?
The crab grew a splendid persimmon tree, but she couldn't harvest the fruit with her own body.
The monkey noticed the situation, offered to pick the fruit for the crab, and climbed the tree.
But! While eating all the ripe fruit for himself,
the monkey began pitching the still hard, unripe fruit at the crab below!
This is a monkey-crab battle?!
What a scoundrel! What devilry!
As the crab lay dying, the children it left behind swore revenge against the monkey.
Then, four warriors who took pity on the crabs volunteered to help.
Chestnut! Bee! Mortar! Cow Dung!
Plop!
They fought using their special skills,
and drove the monkey away with their skillful teamwork!
That is the tale of combat...
...we're going to do today!
Genius Poopman Appears
That's what combat is?!
Episode 71: Genius Poopman Yearning
Once upon a time, in a certain place...
Wait a second!
We're really gonna do a monkey-crab fight?!
...it seems there lived a crab.
It was ten days ago...
Hey, excuse me!
What is it?
Are you sure this is okay for a crab design?
It's fine! We did our best, but apparently it was difficult to anthropomorphize a crab...
"Apparently"?! This design is ridiculous!
It's fine! Or would you rather... What's that? Shall we go with this crab form?
No, this'll be fine!
It happened ten days ago.
It seems this crab's mother had a huge fight with a mischievous monkey
from the next mountain over.
It started out as an argument between the occult and science, but grew into a violent war.
What the hell are you guys doin'?!
In the end...
...the crab lost to the monkey's Green Persimmon Cannon and sustained injuries.
Then, with his natural enemy out of the way, the monkey did as he liked.
Yabas!
Monkey, divine punishment will be carried out.
No. Before that, my daughter will take revenge.
Mom...
I have no choice. I have to avenge Mom!
Apparently, the crab girl set her mind on fighting the monkey.
But what should I do? I'm just a crab kid...
I don't have a chance to beat that monkey with this body.
Forget about it.
I need allies!
Looking for a Combat Team!! Searching for comrades to help drive away a monkey in the neighboring mountain! (There is a reward.) Number of people: a few Interviews will be at the crab home. Heroes welcome! "Stop it!"
And so, the crab girl tried to recruit allies.
What'll I do if a bunch of weirdos show up?
No, I can't say that. Not if people go through the trouble of coming here...
Hello!
Someone came!
Hello!
They're all weirdos!
Thank you for having us!
So, would you introduce yourselves?
Let's start with the little person.
Who else would I be referring to?
I'm Chestnut. Chestnut Mont Blanc.
Chestnut?! You definitely have no fighting ability!
You're even smaller than me! You won't be useful!
Well, well. Even though I'm little, you shouldn't insult me.
I bet I can eat several times more than you, Crab-san.
And how the hell is that helpful?! Why would a chestnut eat so much?!
Whatever! Next! You! What are you supposed to be?!
I'm Bee...
What was that?! I couldn't catch it! What?! What'd you say?!
I'm Bee. Bee Honeycomb.
Bee, huh?
Chestnut is actual size, but you're huge, Bee.
I'm sorry. My body is just so big...
No, it's just your levels are so different...
But I feel reassured having you around, Bee-san. Nice to meet you.
Thank you.
Okay, next...
What the hell are you?
Mortar.
Yeah, I can see that much! But are you just a tool to make mochi with?!
Why would a mortar think to fight with a monkey?! What can you do?!
Mark of pure white...
You make mochi, right?!
What good's it gonna do if you make mochi in front of the monkey?!
What is this, some happy festival?!
I'm not playin' around here! If you just came to screw around, you can go home!
Chrissakes, you come here lookin' like an idiot. You're just a piece of wood!
Gimme a frickin' break! Could I at least get some living creatures here?!
This is exhausting. Whatever, next...
You... brown person.
W-What are you?
What?
You're the only one I can't figure out. Why are you wearing full-body tights? What are you?
Well...
I'm Poop.
P... Poop?! You gotta be kididn' me! Are you serious?!
Yes. I'm Cow Poop.
What's with this guy?! Okay, this time, I'm going to get it off my chest.
Why did a piece of crap come here?!
But seriously, I'm confident that I'm at least as enthusiastic about this as the others!
Poop can't be enthusiastic! If anything, someone can take a dump enthusiastically...
Anyway, what a pain in the ass! And what's the main character doin' as a piece of shit?!
Well, you all did come here, so let's fight the monkey together.
If anyone has a good strategy, don't hesitate to share.
Me!
Alright, Mont Blanc.
I'm a chestnut, a monkey's favorite food.
So... So I think we can use my body as a lure.
L-Lure... Mont Blanc, you...
The plan will go like this.
First, we leave a plate of food with me mixed in right in the monkey's path.
The monkey will find the food and approach.
Uh-huh. And then?
And then I'll eat it all up!
You're gonna eat it?! What'd be the point of you eating?!
I know how I look, but I bet I eat ten times what you do, Crab-san...
Enough!
That plan's out! Anyone else?
Me!
Okay, Honeycomb!
Since I'm a bee, I have a poison needle on my butt.
That's it! Yeah, that's what we need!
The first part of the plan would be to capture the monkey somehow.
Then I would toss him into the air.
What about your needle?! Aren't you gonna use your needle?!
My special skill is superhuman strength.
That has nothin' to do with bein' a bee!
If I stung with my needle, I would die.
Whatever! Next!
Mortar. You got your hand held up high, all self-important like. Let's hear what you got, Mortar.
Tanpet-tan...
You mean pounding mochi, right?! Don't say it like, "Cha-la Head-cha-la!" Anyone else?!
Then, excuse me... Um... Me.
Um... You... What are you again?
Poop. Cow Poop.
Poop, huh? What's your idea, Poop?
Um... What do you think of this?
First, we all go to the monkey's house and hide inside.
Then, when he gets home, we attack him from within the room.
It's a surprise tactic.
When it comes to speed, we don't stand a chance against the monkey,
so rather than fighting outside, we take it inside.
Sorry! Cow Poop has no right to be so forward! Please forget what I just said!
No, no, no, even though you're poo, that's the smartest thing I've heard all day! Not bad for poo!
Really? Poop has no right to say this, but I'm very grateful.
You're a real tactician! Are you sure you're a piece of crap?!
But now we've gotta come up with a way for these members to attack or we're sunk!
I'm Poop, but can I say something?
What is it, Poop? Don't stand on ceremony, Poop, go ahead!
I don't know if what Poop says has any value, but how about this?
We all focus on one single attack, with each person using their special skill.
We'll all be on standby, with Mont Blanc-san by the hearth,
Honeycomb-san behind the miso barrel,
Crab-san inside the bucket,
Mortar-san above the doorway,
and worthless Poop will be directly under that.
First, Mont Blanc-san will fly out from the heat.
As he goes to put miso on his burn, Honeycomb-san will prick him.
When he goes to cool the wounds, Crab-san will pinch him.
If he starts to run outside, he'll step on me, the lowly Poop, and slip,
which is when Mortar-san will do the finishing blow, whomp!
And that's my strategy. What do you think?
I mean, sorry for coming up with a poopy plan! After all, I'm just Poop, feces, so...
Does the room smell like poop? Is it okay?
Y-You're a genius, Poopman!
Thank you!
Poop! Poop! Poop! Poop! Poop!
Alright! Let's go to the monkey's house right away and be on standby!
Apparently, Poop was a pretty sharp piece of poop.
Meanwhile, Monkey was...
...on the way home after another day of wreaking havoc.
"Peg people with unripened persimmons." "Eat ripe fruit."
Having to do both is Monkey's hard lot in life.
Are you prepared? I am.
Yabas!!
Hospital
Remember this. You will... You will receive divine punishment.
Did this wish reach the heavens? The Buddha, Sakyamuni, appeared and delivered divine punishment...
S-Sorry!
Monkey was pinned under the mountain and was sealed away like that for a long time.
The very same monkey would eventually become retainer to a monk named Sanzo
and together, they would embark on a journey...
But that's getting ahead of our story.
He's still not here, huh?
Sorry, I need to go poop...
Sanzo!
Cho Hakkai?! That's too awesome!
Monkey, forget about the heavens! Go to Hell!
Hey, Sket-dan!
Kura-chan. What's wrong?
It's the usual. I've brought a customer to see you, Sket-dan.
Dante Again?
Customer?
You're really in a rut with this pattern.
Too bad! It's not Date-kun today!
Wanna save my friend.
Friend.
He...
...has changed.
What's with this guy?!
W-W-Wait a second! Would you not create your own world?!
The question is, who the hell are you?!
I...
...a friend...
...of your friend.
You know him?
No idea. Who are you?
I...
...am Kuroda.
And who's that?!
My other name...
...is Rodan.
You're Dante's friend, aren't you?!
That's right. Nice to meet you.
I'm Rodan, guitarist for Jardin, the winning visual-kei band of the Kaimei Rock Festival.
So you can talk normally!
I swear, these visual-kei people...
You're here about Dante?
Yeah. I want you to help him.
This pattern again...
Well, I have an appointment with Yagi-chan to go "adult shopping",
but I absolutely can't tell anyone what it's for,
so I'll leave you to handle this!
What are you gonna buy?! Next time, take me, too!
So, what's wrong?
Dante... changed.
Good morning.
He totally changed!
Applause, please.
What is this?! What's happening?! Explain, Rodan-kun!
I really don't understand it myself...
All I know is Dante has become like an enka singer.
Hey! What's wrong with you?! What happened?! Why are you wearin' that kimono?!
What happened to your usual visual-kei style?!
Yo, good morning!
Applause, please.
You're just screwin' around, aren't you?! This is totally different than visual-kei!
Hey! Don't get violent with him!
Stop this at once.
You stop with the weird traditional vibe!
Bossun, this has gotta be a hoax! He's just pullin' our leg!
No. Dante's player is full of enka songs.
He's serious?!
He was normal yesterday, but when I met him this morning, he was like this...
It's a real problem for me, too.
I'm hoping you can help turn Dante back to normal.
Hey, Dante. Why are you suddenly into enka?
This isn't like you at all, Dante. Go back to being the normal Dante.
He's standing on a beer case...
Is this like a campaign by a new enka singer?
He made a face!
He's gonna sing!
Stop calling me by that nickname!
My name...
...is Date Kiyoshi!
This is the first we've heard!
Dante, your name is Kiyoshi?!
Being an enka singer actually kind of suits him!
Please, Dante! Come back to us!
Me, Gette, and Dari are all worried about you!
Please, Sket-dan! Please bring Dante back to us!
Got it. We don't like this Dante either.
I got a good idea.
Good idea?
Yeah. We'll make Dante feel how cool visual-kei is again!
Welcome to the ball where the mischievous angels gather.
Are you lost Alice?
In the forbidden, stagnant red sea,
the continuation of an empty dream rides a false melody, imitation destruction.
Okay, let's get started. We all gotta talk in visual-kei, too.
Get outta here! I can't do that!
It'll be fine! Try speaking in visual-kei, Himeko.
Like it's a language! I don't know what to say in visual-kei!
There are words that sound like it, right?
Like "wandering something-something" or "something-something illusion"...
W-What kind of thing should I say?
Um...
Courageous action.
That sucks! You suck! How is that the least bit visual-kei?!
It's not like that?
That wasn't cool at all! You just described some brave dude!
She's useless, Switch, so please...
Leave it to me.
S-Stars and sky and sea and earth and cursed princess...
That sucked! What were you mumbling?! Was that Dragon Quest VIII?!
The sky and the earth...
Look, Date-san's gone even further into enka!
You think you're so smart, you say something!
M-Me?!
Lay some cool visual-kei on us, Yuusuke!
Y-Yeah. Leave it to me. I can do this.
Pitch-black...
...b-black roses...
...and lacquered petals...
of the black fruit of the black, dilapidated black princess...
You suck! What the hell was that?! Yours made the least sense of all!
No, see...
What the hell's a black fruit?!
That visual-kei was obsessed with pitch-black.
And you say the princess was dilapidated?! What the hell does that even mean?!
Who cares about the kingdom?
Shut up! Don't examine every word I said!
Um... I hate to say this, but I don't think this method is getting us anywh...
I know that! Even I picked up on that!
I guess we have to get to the root cause of the change.
Dante! Tell us! What made you get hooked on enka?!
Fighting drums are the essence of man!
He's not listening to us!
Reverberate, thunder, as you pound on it!
I think I'm gonna kick this guy's ass!
Wait, Himeko! Let's listen carefully.
Dante's trying to tell us something.
Were you just singin' 'cause you wanted to?!
The song was Kitajima Haburou's "Raging Drums, Fighting Drums, Fiery Drums".
What a violent song...
What, he got hooked on it just 'cause of Habu-chan?!
Incidentally, the earlier song was
"The Sky, The Earth, Sake, Women, Horse Races, and Pachinko", also by Kitajima Haburou.
That's enough about Habu-chan song titles!
How did Dante seem yesterday?
I think he was normal...
He did say he was gonna watch the late-night banquet.
Banquet?
A concert. The live broadcast of Dream of Lie's concert.
A concert, huh? Hmm... It was broadcast from 1am to 3am.
Usually, Dante can't stay awake late and goes to bed at 11,
The sacred time, zero, presentiment of the banquet. (It's almost time for the broadcast, huh?)
but I guess he did his best to stay up last night.
Eternal promise is a bound bouquet of rockets. (I'll never get sleepy with the banquet on.)
What is he, a little kid?!
He did his best to stay up...
A late-night concert...
This is...
What is it?
I've got it! I know the cause!
Sleep learning!
Dante must be predisposed to getting hooked on whatever music he hears while asleep!
What is that?!
What do you mean?!
Look at the TV listings!
From 3am, after the concert...
"Yoko's Enka Direct"?!
That's too early in the morning!
Old people get up early.
The roar of ripe souls from the darkness, searching for the light among the morning dew...
Shut up and listen to me!
Dante was watching the concert while fighting off sleepiness, but then dozed off.
Then Kitajima Haburou's enka came on next.
That singing voice entered Dante's sleeping brain.
And when he woke up, he was a captive of Habu-chan!
That's it!
Yeah, right!
I mean... is that really possible?
Let's try it! We'll put Dante to sleep, and play a loop of visual-kei music by his ear!
Don't do anything to harm Dante...
He's asleep.
Now's our chance! Let's play the visual-kei music.
I wonder what would happen if we played my "Best of Anime Songs" here...
Don't make things tougher than they are!
You didn't get that I was only joking, eh, Yuusuke?
I can't believe something this ridiculous could...
Don't call me that!
Elegant revival.
It worked!
Alright!
Now don't cause us any more trouble!
Shameful recollection...
Well, I'm just happy you're back!
These people are amazing...
Sket-dan...
Dante, you may not be fully recovered, so do more sleep learning tonight, too.
Hello. Kura-chan here again.
Today, I'm broadcasting to you from a Finnish-made sauna.
Oh, no. I'm not being pushed to do this by anyone.
Oh, that's right. It seems Date-kun got sleepy around 11pm.
Incidentally, it's around that time my engine really gets going.
You ask what I do up so late? You want to know? But it's a secret!
I'm really happy Date-kun got back to normal, right, Hoosuke?
Huh? But I take it that Date-kun is acting a little strange again...
This has been your Kura-chan.
Sket-dan! The "Best of Anime Songs" was mixed in with last night's CDs!
M-Mistaken... angel...
We screwed up.
Let's go! Next time's...
Sket Dance!
Kagerou, written as "shadow" "wolf"! Lately, a mysterious mugger is causing a stir all over town.
Hey, that's an exaggeration! If anything, it's that.
And he's got a ninja name, right? I kinda know a lot about that.
Don't make me laugh. What do you two know about ninjas?
Who the hell are you?
I warn you, don't get mixed up with Kagerou.
H-He disappeared!
Next time:
Chase Kagerou!
Oh, my! There are a lot of handsome men here. I hope we get to be good friends.
Who the hell are you?!